According to Yahoo Sports, newly minted Right Fielder for Life Jayson Werth is gonna need a trim. Said GM Mike “Rizzo” Rizzo, ”The team policy is, facial hair is OK but it’s got to be groomed. It’s got to be nicely … professionally groomed.”
And as viewers of the Phailers’ playoff run and of the Fox hit Sons of Anarchy, in which Werth stars as charter vice president Jax Teller, know, Werth’s Samsonesque locks are anything but nicely or professionally groomed. Though you can hardly blame Werth, who not only had to carry his team singlehandedly into the playoffs while his oft-injured teammates sputtered around him but also had to deal with rescuing his infant son from the Real IRA and his estranged girlfriend from a dissident Mexican biker, and when the shit piles up like that a man only has so much time or attention for grooming. Presumably, playing for the low-stress Nationals will allow Werth a lot more me-time for things like bathing and trimming the fur.
The good news for Nats fans is that the stubble kerfluffle answers the always difficult question of what do you get the guy who has 18 million of everything for the next seven years for Christmas: Some nice bath salts and a tube of CO Bigelow Shave Cream with eucalyptus oil.